Amusing

Two items in our local newspaper.

On a recent trip through a two-church town the church billboards left one man confused. He writes: "The first said ' Jesus died for YOU' while further down the street I was confronted by the news that 'Jesus lives!' "

A regional newspaper reported the Catholic bishop of Bathurst will " according to custom... prostate himself during a prayer".

Australia - tragedy and humour

Everyone has heard about the bushfires, now 208 dead including a fireman who had travelled to Victoria from Canberra to volunteer and help and was killed by a falling tree.
We have also had extensive flooding in three states and two shark attacks here in Sydney which has left one navy diver without a hand and a leg. The politics has continued as normal, thankfully the damage this week has been to the Opposition which means no tears from this one eyed blogger.
However this comment by Rick Feneley in the Sydney Morning Herald says it all.

It must have been even more eye-opening for first-time visitors to Australia, who've had a baptism of fire, flood, sharks and, if they could bear to watch, backstabbing politics. Surely the most treacherous place on earth, this sodden, sunburnt country.

But if visitors looked again they would have discovered, too, a big-hearted nation that responds to its grief with astonishing generosity; a can-do, soldier-on country whose people can cry with candour but who temper their mourning with good humour and even comic relief.

Steve Nash is one of 10 volunteers with the Kinglake Country Fire Authority whose own homes burnt down while they were out saving others'. When he found his still-burning house, what did he do? He took the clothes off the line.

"They were untouched," he said. "We've still got some underwear and socks. If I'd known it was going to come through I would have done a bigger load of washing."

Visitors should understand that this is the quintessence of our humour. Understated. Stoic. Matter-of-fact. Downright funny and heartbreaking all at once.

Probably our most famous poem by Dorothea Mackellar is 'My Country'.

I love a sunburnt country,
A land of sweeping plains,
Of ragged mountain ranges,
Of droughts and flooding rains.
I love her far horizons,
I love her jewel-sea,
Her beauty and her terror -
The wide brown land for me!

New Seat Belt Law

Becomes effective January 1st 2009

The national Highway Safety Council has done extensive testing on a newly designed seat belt.


Results show that accidents can be reduce by as much as 45%


Correct installation is illustrated below...

On this rock the Jensens build a church

Only a half truth but one does not know whether to laugh or cry.

Scene: St Andrew's Cathedral, Sydney. The stained glass windows have been boarded up, the altar table pushed into a corner, and the choir stalls broken up for scrap. A team of qualified demolition experts are using specialist heritage-sensitive tools (a jackhammer and two wrecking bars) to prise the last pipes out of the organ for scrap.Peter Jensen, Archbishop of Sydney (enters, looks round): All the Gothic business means the acoustics are rubbish, but this will do until I can bulldoze it and build something modern.
Read the rest
http://www.smh.com.au/news/opinion/on-this-rock-the-jensens-build-a-church/2008/09/11/1220857739151.html

Nun's Story

A cabbie picks up a Nun

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies:
'I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you.'
She answers,
'My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'
'Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.'
She responds,
'Well, let's see what we can do about that:
First you have to be single and
Second, you must be Catholic.'
The cab driver is very excited and says,
'Yes, I'm single and Catholic!'
'OK' the nun says. 'Pull into the next alley.'
The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
'My dear child,' says the nun, 'why are you crying?'
'Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess,
I'm married and I'm Episcopalian.'
The nun says, 'That's OK.
My name is Kevin and I'm going to a fancy dress party

You have to laugh

Two items in the Sydney Morning Herald.

Our stupid State Government passed a law that anyone annoying a World Youth Day pilgrim could face a fine of $5,500. Fortunately the courts had more sense and it was thrown out yesterday but you have to give it to one of our evango-fundie churches for slick advertising.
"Seen outside All Souls Anglican Church, Leichhardt, on Sunday: 'SAVE $5000 AT WYD. COME HERE AND ANNOY ANGLICANS FOR FREE.' "

and with apologies to my American friends.

"Yesterday an American pilgrim being interviewed on TV was surprised but happy to find that our Mass was the same as theirs in the US," reports Robyn Lewis of Raglan. "It reminded me of an incident in St Paul's (Anglican) Cathedral in London. My husband and daughter were at Morningsong, enjoying the ambience and music. During the Lord's Prayer an American exclaimed 'Golly Gladys, this Lord's Prayer is the same as ours!"'